Saturday, December 21, 2013

Shonen Otaku's Diary of Frank West: Night 2 Part 2

Before we could get to the interrogation, Isabella first had to wake up.  I guess running through screaming fanboys and gun-toting druggies in a jeep just lulls her right to sleep.  I had a little time, so I used it to go and make some more smoothies in the food court again, which was a lot harder thanks to an overabundance of the Scream fans.

Just how many of these guys are there anyway?  I’ve seen at least 50 so far!  Did they come from outside the mall or do they rapidly asexually reproduce?  I had no idea this movie franchise was so popular!
I think I might have lost more than I left with on that little trip, but nothing ventured, nothing killed.

When she finally woke up, Isabella told us the truth about Santa’s cabeza, one that turned the truth I thought I knew completely on its own cabeza.

Sadly, I didn’t get to see Brad’s signature interrogation method.  After simply asking her for information, she spilled the beans, no doubt because of Brad’s godlike charisma.
She said Santa’s cabeza didn’t have any drugs to trade in it, but rather a research facility experimenting with a special wasp that turns people into zombies, and Dr. Banality was in charge of it!

Is that what those bugs I’ve been swatting were?  I thought killing them just made the zombies in the area subconsciously kill themselves at the horror of a life being extinguished.

"Holy shi-"
When I asked Brad how an entire research facility could fit in Santa’s cabeza, he gave it to me straight and told me the truth about Santa.


Santa has nothing to do with anything!  They weren’t talking about his cabeza, they were referring to a town called Santa Cabeza!  I guess it’s a relief that Santa is safe, but all this time everything I’ve deduced has been for nothing!  It took about 10 minutes for me to fully grasp this devastating revelation, during which time Dr. Bumbling Smee busted out of the closet and tried to rape Jesse again!  I knew he was still evil!  I gave him a taste of my sweet roundhouse kick and saved the day.  I’ve been waiting a long time to have an excuse to do that.

I knew this would happen!

I must’ve hit him pretty hard, because he started choking and gasping while telling me about how the government was trying to mass-produce cattle, but ended up turning the cows into zombies.  I didn’t catch the rest.  I was too busy wondering what zombie cow milk would taste like.
He was making some great facial expressions and twitching body movements during his rant though, so I took a picture.  I think the flash gave the guy an epileptic seizure because he squirmed all over the floor and died.  He ceased being useful anyway.

But then, not a few minutes later, he came back as a rotting corpse while Isabella yammered on about how her town was destroyed by the zombie wasps.  I didn’t know zombiefication was so fast!  Brad gave him a rather accurate shot to the head, but I wish he’d warn me better before pointing his gun in my direction.


It seems as though my WEF is rather grumpy at the government for turning his hometown, Santa Cabeza, into a zombie hell then killing everyone in it with a strike force, so now he’s trying to get everyone’s attention by throwing a zombie-filled tantrum.

Talk about being whiny.  It could have been worse.  They could have just nuked Santa Cabeza.  That’s what I would have done if I were president, and if some other country tried to nuke us back I’d intercept their nukes with our nukes in midair.  Yeah there’d be nuclear fallout, but every plan has a downside.

It worked for them.
We also learned that Isabella is a medical technician.  The good news is, that means she can help Jessie.  The bad news is that means we need to cooperate with this annoying bimbo!  Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

I don't believe her.  Brad, ask for her credentials.  No?  We're just going to buy that?  Oh okay.
Bored now.  Going exploring.

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