Thursday, February 15, 2018

Trump Plays Civilization 5: Day 5

Germany has been taking everything I hold dear from me!  They are sorry pieces of shit!  They took Manhattan!  I was supposed to be the only one with Manhattan and they took it from me!  They have the balls to ask for peace by giving it back after taking what is rightfully mine!  Fuck you mustache man!  I will take back what is rightfully mine even if I have to kill you and every single one of your people!

It’s because of Germany I have to keep my armies near every one of my cities!  Every single turn ungrateful assholes come out of my cities to destroy all I have built and need to be put down!  And then Washington completely betrayed me!

Sunday, January 21, 2018

The King of Fighters: Destiny (Web Series) Review

When The King of Fighters: Destiny web series was announced to complement the upcoming mobile game of the same name, I was very skeptical.  Web series don’t have a reputation for having the highest production values, 3D animation is hard to do right and it comes from a Chinese animation studio that was not a big name as far as I can tell.  I was prepared for the worst, but at the same time KOF material outside of the games have been enjoyable even at their worst, with the exception of the piece of shit movie we need to try to change the title of and forbid from ever discussing.

Several months later the series has now ended its first season and animation studio Idragon has two more planned as well as a movie.  They have some serious confidence in this series and with the overall positive reception, it’s not unwarranted.

Since it’s a web series you can see for free on Steam or Youtube, the question isn’t if it’s worth your money, but rather if it’s worth your time.  That’s not as much time as it may look.  Listings show episodes as being 20 minutes long, but the truth is more than half of that is the overly long opening prologue about Orochi, the rather bad opening theme and an excruciatingly long credit roll.  Each episode is only 7 to 9 minutes long if you skip all that.  With enough editing they could make it into a movie.

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Mario Party: The Top 100 Review

Even though I have almost nobody to play with anymore, I still love the Mario Party games.  They’re games of variety, testing skill and mild strategy with ever-changing variables due to its many colorful locales in the Mario universe.  I’ve played a lot of them, but the ones I’ve played the most and actually owned are the original Nintendo 64 trilogy, 6 and DS.

Nintendo seeks to appeal to the longstanding fans of this almost two-decades long franchise with their new compilation of its 100 best minigames from the main games: Mario Party: The Top 100.

This is hot off the heels of the previous game, Mario Party: Star Rush.  I have Mario Party: Star Rush and I really enjoy it.  It has some fun side activities and its main activities are all creative and faster-paced than the other games without losing the core elements of what makes Mario Party fun.  It did however emphasize the (non-boss) minigames a bit less than previous entries, with only a little over 50 as opposed to other games with at least 70.  Mario Party: The Top 100 seems to be trying to invert that.  Instead of prioritizing the main game part and making the minigames around it, they’re now prioritizing the minigames and building the main game parts around that.  That can be a really good idea or a disastrous one.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Top 10 Final Battles #6: Viewtiful Joe 2

Viewtiful Joe 2 is one of my favorite games of all time.  It is the only game I have ever given a perfect 10 out of 10.  It exceeds an already fantastic game in every way including in its amazing final battle.


With all the other happy ending-controlling Rainbow Oscars gathered and kept safe with Joe's dad Jet, and with the evil-spreading Black Film destroyed, the heroes Joe and Silvia need only one more Rainbow Oscar: the blue one Captain Blue was changed into before being taken by the big bad Black Emperor of Gedow.  That means smashing their way through Gedow's giant moon base full of robots and weirdness taken straight out of the Aliens franchise (as opposed to the first game's villain's Star Wars motif).

At the end of the very long, very difficult gauntlet, the emperor himself sits in wait, ready.

His plans are pretty much foiled by now, since the heroes have the Oscars and his Black Film is gone, but when Joe points this out, the Emperor pulls out his secret weapon.  Apparently it wasn't as gone as they thought.

"The Black Film is unbreakable!  It can never be destroyed completely!"

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Trump Plays Civilization 5: Day 4

With the war against the terrorist threat of Germany ongoing, I have put all our country has into military spending!  We need to be protected from all foreign threats and for that I have made every single one of our increasing number of cities focus soley on money and production.  They are the most important thing in my America!  Fuck your health care!  Fuck those ingrates that want food and water!  Fuck those ungrateful alt-leftists!  As long as I’m alive this country will be safe in my hands!  They can all die!

My approval ratings are at an all-time high after that.  I’ve gotten 15 super happy red faces!  That’s more than I’ve gotten in the whole game!  I’m good at war.  I’ve had a lot of wars of my own.  I’m really good at war.  I love war, in a certain way, but only when we win.