Saturday, September 23, 2017

Trump Plays Civilization 5: Day 1

[Disclaimer: This series of articles is satirical and is not written by nor represents Donald Trump nor anyone who represents him or any other political party.]

Hello my fellow Americans.  My name is Donald Trump.  For several months now I have been one of the best presidents this nation has ever had.  The people love me and we’ve had a smooth transfer to a better age.  I bet you didn’t know that I also play games.

I like a lot of the games you probably do, like Call of Juarez: The Cartel and Army of Two, but in between signing papers I’ve been playing a lot of Civilization 5, a game made for the best leaders like me.  I like sharing my thoughts because they’re the ones that matter most so I made a game and will be sharing what happens.

I have the mind of the world’s best leaders

and the skills of its best game players.

Let’s get this started and make America great!

Monday, August 21, 2017

The King of Fighters 14 Review

After several years, several app games and a number of betrayals resulting in said app games being taken down, SNK has finally come out with the successor to The King of Fighters 13, a tough act to follow since 13 is possibly the greatest fighting game ever made.

Originally released on a shitty system that charges its users for a basic function after they already paid for the fucking game system and game itself, The King of Fighters 14 has been released on the PC with a Steam edition just like 13 did.  After playing it since its open beta and after a number of updates and fixes, I’m ready to tackle this new KOF.

I can’t really call it a retrospective since it very recently came out and I’m still playing it, so consider this a review in the style of my previous retrospective posts.  There’s quite a lot to cover here and right out the gate KOF 14 breaks a tradition by having a vocal opening that intensifies the hype like you wouldn’t believe.

It's a new story with a new KOF, a while after that one KOF tournament where no one seems to know what happened.  A big burly badass Russian billionaire named Antonov buys the rights to The King of Fighters tournament and declares himself the King of Fighters champion by default.  I guess when the previous winners aren’t clear you have to start somewhere.  Like a wrestling federation, Antonov has made a lavish gold championship belt with the new KOF logo for the champion and challenges all fighters to enter the tournament and win it.

KOF Finales: 14

After defeating 8 teams in the tournament, yours is brought to the final challenge with the self-appointed champion, Antonov.  Antonov makes a grand entrance in a big fancy stadium, using pyrotechnics, smoke effects and a jumbo-tron as he rises out of the ground and the crowd goes wild.

It’s an entrance that brings to mind the flashy entrances for WWE wrestlers and I’ve seen people compare Antonov to Triple H.  I can’t confirm anything, but with Raiden being based on Big Van Vader, Gai being based on Kazushi Sakuraba and Ramon being inspired by Tiger Mask, it’s well within the realm of possibility a designer had Triple H or another pro wrestler in mind.

Antonov congratulates the your team on making it this far, but that you have to defeat him and he’s not going to hold back.

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Senran Kagura 2 Story Analysis: Chapter 5, Part 2

I hope you like bosses because the second half of chapter 5 really lets the players have it.

The ultimate confrontations are built up with one of Kitajima’s visual novel scenes depicting two characters that have never shared a scene together.
Hanzo is running through the forest after a suspicious individual.  He throws a kunai dead on into the back of their neck, but they used the classic substitution jutsu to escape.  Hanzo turns around and the person he’s chasing is revealed to be none other than Dougen.  Yes, Haruka was not mistaken.  Dougen lived through his youma dying on top of him in chapter 2.  I like to think him being part youma now had a part in that.  I assume Hibari and Haruka warned everyone about Dougen and everyone shared their information offscreen because Hanzo knows who Dougen is.  Being the head of one of the most prestigious good shinobi academies probably entitles him to enemy information as well, I suppose.

This is an interesting confrontation, not just because of their alignment with different shinobi factions, but because of their skills.  Dougen has been shown to use trickery and mind control, but now he’s being confronted by Hanzo, who has been well-established as a legend.  Even retired he is feared by evil shinobi and earning his respect is considered a high honor for good shinobi.  As such, you can probably tell where this is going.

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Senren Kagoora 2 Story Analisis, Chapter Last

Asuka's friends fight the youma guys and they win and Asuka fights Cookie Monster and she wins and Cookie Monster makes bugs and monsters and they're scary and they fight Naraku, but then Bebe-tan comes in and makes them stop fighting