Trump Plays Civilization 5: Day 5

Germany has been taking everything I hold dear from me!  They are sorry pieces of shit!  They took Manhattan!  I was supposed to be the only one with Manhattan and they took it from me!  They have the balls to ask for peace by giving it back after taking what is rightfully mine!  Fuck you mustache man!  I will take back what is rightfully mine even if I have to kill you and every single one of your people!

It’s because of Germany I have to keep my armies near every one of my cities!  Every single turn ungrateful assholes come out of my cities to destroy all I have built and need to be put down!  And then Washington completely betrayed me!

After all I’ve done for them, after all I’ve done to keep this country safe, Washington joined those German ingrates!  I have never been so shocked in my life!  That is the most sickening betrayal of my country I have ever seen in any game!  I had to bomb the shit out of them and immediately take it back through force!  This is why we need our police officers to have military weapons!  We need to protect them from the people who would betray us!  They need to die!  They all need to die!

I’m not just going to let Washington forget this!  No!  They need to be punished!  I gave my other cities some modicum of food, but I am going to make sure Washington starves!  That will make them think twice about betraying me!  I demand absolute loyalty!

Let them die!  It's my money and my country!

Since they love Germany so much I have a few words they should understand!

Stuchs!  Frichs frielick!  Wit ter heimlich binda und der wachs cuking dach!  Hasta mittle michs da sourkraut fam de kala de kazen mich giverwurst trashen favur un der kagen nuga chu chu!

Germany also has their own giant death robots, but I’m not going to let him have more than me!  I spent almost all the money my country has only on giant death robots!  Brazil and Russia were happy to give me all the uranium I needed and all I had to do was give them a bunch of stupid stuff we don’t need.  My giant robots will destroy our German oppressors!  I will crush them into oblivion!  That’s what we should be spending our money on!

Seeing all my robots fight theirs was something out of Star Wars or something!  From what I remember I mean.  I never got too into Star Wars when I saw the first movies.  I didn’t like that it was all about the bad guys and how they beat the good guys.  A movie should be about the good guys!  It was also too complicated.  I couldn’t follow anything.  They make it too hard to understand.  I like my science stuff to be easier to follow for me.

That Woo bitch from China asked me to declare war on England.  Apparently betrayal is a common thing in this game!  Now, I don’t like England, but England is Russia’s friend and Russia is my friend and the friend of my enemy is my friend so I told her to fuck off!

Little did I know just how much of a bitch she is!

Germany is still the world leader after all my votes for Russia and he tried to get everyone to boycott them, which apparently means stop doing business with them!  I had confidence that no one would want that, but France and China both voted for it!  And they both declared war on Russia!  And they’re friends with Germany!  They are all traitors!  They were once my friend, but are now my greatest enemies!  I will not stand for them hurting my Russian ally!  I am not going to betray Russia!  Fuck the boycott!  Fuck that Woo bitch!  Fuck that tiny-handed chump!  They have made a powerful enemy and I have made sure to tell them that they are very mean!

She's the least wonderful person in the world!  What a loser!