But I cannot pretend that Resident Evil doesn't have its bouts of stupidity, as if the concept of viruses being astoudingly mutagenic weren't outlandish enough. Bad writing, bad delivery, bizarre concepts or awkward handling of situations are where its reputation comes from and regardless of whether it's exaggerated by the general public, it is still a part of what makes Resident Evil what it is. As a sort of demonstration and celebration, this is my top 10 stupidest Resident Evil moments.
10. Man vs. Boulder
Not since the Jill sandwich has there been such a prominent
meme. In the final stage of Resident Evil 5, Sheva and Chris corner
Wesker in a volcano and none of them suddenly burst into flames from being
within inches of molten lava.
During the fight, Chris and Sheva are split up and a
super-powered Wesker chases after Sheva. As Chris rushes to reunite with
his partner, a boulder gets right in his path.
In a quick time event, Chris then proceeds to push the boulder out of
the way in desperation, eventually going so far as to punch it as he’s pushing
until it finally moves.
The reason this isn’t high on the list is because I think
it’s a pretty effective moment. The
entire game is designed around working together and against a foe like that,
fighting together is crucial. You’re already on a time limit to rescue
Sheva and the boulder getting in the way puts even further stress on that,
giving the player the same feeling Chris does as he pushes with all his might
while the player button mashes with all his might. Since they’re in a
volcano, it’s also reasonable to assume that the boulder is made of pumice,
which is way lighter than your ordinary stone boulder might be, making it a
little more feasible that one that big could be shoved.
Be that as it may, did he really need to punch it?
Even if it is pumice, who punches rocks besides Dragon Ball Z fighters? There is no practical reason to do so and should only succeed in breaking his knuckles.
As many people have pointed out, Chris smarts his knuckles after punching certain enemies in the game, so apparently for Chris, flesh and bone isn't nearly as tough as rocks. It seems like the boulder-punching was thrown in to emphasize Chris’ giant manly biceps and we already have enough jokes about those too.
As many people have pointed out, Chris smarts his knuckles after punching certain enemies in the game, so apparently for Chris, flesh and bone isn't nearly as tough as rocks. It seems like the boulder-punching was thrown in to emphasize Chris’ giant manly biceps and we already have enough jokes about those too.
9. Do I know you?
Resident Evil 4 is my favorite game in the franchise, but
its story had a major glaring flaw, and not because of the usual Resident Evil
silliness. In the third area of the game, Leon Leon Ada asked Leon
This wouldn’t have been so bad if the game didn’t act like
players were supposed to know who he is. It’s alluded to several times
that he and Leon Leon
Notice that I used the past tense. Years later
one of my other favorite RE games came to the Wii and completely rectified this
problem tenfold. Thank god for Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles.
Darkside Chronicles’ story (and framing device for
flashbacks) is an adventure with Leon and Krauser in a mission they did
together in South America . It
establishes what Krauser used to be like, what his dynamic with Leon was, what
he thought about his role in life and the viruses he was faced with, why
he went to Wesker and how he and Leon are, in his own words, “two sides of the
same coin.”
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| Their dynamic is a lot more fun when you put them in the costumes with the sunglasses and wristwatches like the OC. |
Going back to RE4 after Darkside Chronicles makes Leon
8. Steve
Steve is quite the whipping boy among fans and if you play Code:
Veronica it’s easy to see why. Steve goes to the shonen idiot hero school
of characterization where he rushes headfirst into things with guns blazing,
refuses to help when Claire needs something and, since Claire is the only
playable character while he's around, he’s mostly useless to the main story.
Perhaps the moment of peak Steve is when he gets stuck in a trap triggered by taking the Gold Lugers pictured above. Claire can trigger this trap beforehand and is given a timer to deactivate it. It's relatively common sense that you just need to put them back and the trap deactivates. Steve activates the trap and Claire has to save him using a nearby terminal outside the room. If Claire hadn't come, Steve would have died. He is that stupid.
Once he's out, Claire asks him for the Lugers (they're used to open a door) and Steve tells her he'll only let her have them if she gets him something fully automatic. Claire saved his LIFE and all Steve has to say is "fuck you got mine!"
Perhaps the moment of peak Steve is when he gets stuck in a trap triggered by taking the Gold Lugers pictured above. Claire can trigger this trap beforehand and is given a timer to deactivate it. It's relatively common sense that you just need to put them back and the trap deactivates. Steve activates the trap and Claire has to save him using a nearby terminal outside the room. If Claire hadn't come, Steve would have died. He is that stupid.
Once he's out, Claire asks him for the Lugers (they're used to open a door) and Steve tells her he'll only let her have them if she gets him something fully automatic. Claire saved his LIFE and all Steve has to say is "fuck you got mine!"
What really adds on to Steve's idiocy is that he’s one of those
people who tries to act cool, but makes himself look stupider in the
process. This is due in part to his voice actor, who makes Steve sound really
whiny and seems to have a lisp, but even without that, the way he plays with firearms like they’re new
toys is embarrassing.
This was improved in Darkside Chronicles. In
that game's retelling of Code: Veronica, Steve is voiced by Sam Reigal and is always shooting alongside
Claire, making him useful, but even there, his one-liners and attempts at
sarcasm grate on me.
With all that said, his backstory explains some of his
behavior, he gets one or two cool moments (shooting up Alfred) and what happens
to him is genuinely tragic in the end so as a whole he's not a terrible character, but he's still an idiot.
When the satellite does fire, its power is pathetic. It doesn’t cover a wide area so it’s easy to dodge and it’s not even strong enough to penetrate the floor of the area they're in. If that agent was indoors, as would likely be the case to keep out of sight, it would be useless and even if they weren't, it's relying on the target to stand there and not move because if they move just a few feet away, it misses! Nothing about its design makes sense!
2. I just wanted
Ada Is this really the best
the writers could come up with? Not some
grand scheme or insane god complex. A
guy just tried to turn someone into someone else and then they went on a rampage to
destroy the entire world? That’s like something from a Michael Bay
7. I got it! I got it!
The T-103s in Resident Evil 2 are effective soldiers and are
good at following commands. In Resident
Evil 2’s case that’s to retrieve the G-virus sample and smack down anyone
alive. They understand that, but they aren’t very good at the whole
strategizing thing or thinking thing so when Claire throws the locket with the
sample down into a smelting pot, the T-103 doesn’t hesitate to jump right in
after it. It’s that or it tries to grab
it midair and the railing gives in. It’s
a little hard to tell whether he fell after it intentionally or not. Either way, that’s quite a pratfall.
The icing on the cake is Claire’s cheesy yet awesome
dialogue. “This is what you're looking for, right? Then go get it!” Then after he falls in she just remarks “sucker.” A laugh track would be appropriate.
It’s a great demonstration of a plot point, even if it does
make the T-103 look less intimidating. The U.S. Umbrella branch made the
T-103s as powerful tyrants that could tank bullets and follow easy commands.
They were mass-produced and their most popular bio-weapon, but they did
falter when it came to more complex combat situations. Nemesis, developed
by the European branch, used a special parasite that made it a bit less
durable, but significantly smarter.
Nemesis was able to use weapons, navigate complex terrain and
distinguish between targets (he didn’t attack non-STARS members until they shot
first). The T-103, on the other hand,
smashed through walls, would probably kick aside weapons and attacked whoever.
The T-103’s lack of intelligence is downplayed in the retelling of
Resident Evil 2 in Darkside Chronicles. There, Sherry’s locket is almost
not a plot point at all and Leon and Claire instead lure the thing into a blast
furnace where it combines a bit of both the original game’s B scenarios by
having Ada
shoot it point blank and then it falling in.
That version does give us a new stupid moment though. Ada Ada
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| Ooooh! Faced! |
6. I didn’t press X!
One of the things Resident Evil 4 did way better than any
game to come after it was its death scenes for failing quick time events and
other situational prompts. In other games, failing them just makes your
character fall over or die in an explosion.
In Resident Evil 4, they are amazing, in-your-face and some of
them make Leon
In one of my favorite moments, Leon Leon
 |
| "BITCH THIS AIN'T A CUTSCENE! PRESS A! PRESS A! YOU STILL PLAYIN'!" |
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| Whoopsie. |
I also busted a gut laughing all those years ago after
shooting up Luis for funsies only for him to turn around and dramatically kill Leon
The knife fight with Krauser can also be pretty funny because of its QTEs.
Krauser can take Leon
out on the first strike like Leon
5. The Worst Satellite
Resident Evil: Dead Aim’s story is already kind of dumb,
particularly with the main villain’s absurd transformation that really
stretches the series’ pseudo-science. One particular point grows in
stupidity the more you think about it, making what was supposed to be an
intense scene instead one ripe for mockery.
Chinese secret agent Fong Ling was supposed to be assassinated by
some sort of vaporizing satellite the Chinese have to kill agents when they're no longer needed. Agents are implanted with a targeting beacon for when they're ready to be disposed of.
The only problem is that the thing sucks on several levels.
The beacon is not hard to
get out in the first place. For Fong, it's in the arm, so Bruce removes it rather easily with a knife. I
can’t imagine much of an emergency situation for needing it to be easy to take
out if it’s supposed to be the failsafe.
On a side note, it's also kind of off-putting that Bruce goes straight for gouging her arm out. The tattoo the chip is in is conspicuous and it's a reasonable guess that there's a tracker of some sort, but shouldn't he at least feel around for something hard or something?
The satellite also has a targeting lazer. Even better, the lazer is really a series of them that converge on their target. If it’s automated and has the beacon, why does it need that at all? All that does is warn others it’s coming and for a secret agent possibly in enemy custody, that’s a terrible giveaway. They must be damn powerful too if it can cut through the atmosphere and clouds all the way from space.
On a side note, it's also kind of off-putting that Bruce goes straight for gouging her arm out. The tattoo the chip is in is conspicuous and it's a reasonable guess that there's a tracker of some sort, but shouldn't he at least feel around for something hard or something?
The satellite also has a targeting lazer. Even better, the lazer is really a series of them that converge on their target. If it’s automated and has the beacon, why does it need that at all? All that does is warn others it’s coming and for a secret agent possibly in enemy custody, that’s a terrible giveaway. They must be damn powerful too if it can cut through the atmosphere and clouds all the way from space.
When the satellite does fire, its power is pathetic. It doesn’t cover a wide area so it’s easy to dodge and it’s not even strong enough to penetrate the floor of the area they're in. If that agent was indoors, as would likely be the case to keep out of sight, it would be useless and even if they weren't, it's relying on the target to stand there and not move because if they move just a few feet away, it misses! Nothing about its design makes sense!
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| It looks maybe big enough to kill 4 people if it gets really lucky. |
4. I'm Acting
Probably the most infamous thing in the entirety of Resident
Evil’s history is the awful voice acting and translation of the original game,
spawning all kinds of memes that even Capcom incorporates frequently,
particularly with Barry's lines.
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| There is also one called "I have this!" |
Do I really need to explain? You only need to
listen. This is back when Symphony of
the Night was considered to have passable acting. Nobody can inflect,
everyone emphasizes the wrong words and dialogue is very unnatural. This game badly needed the remake
treatment for that aspect alone.
Games after it did get a lot better. Resident
Evil 2 didn’t have the best voice acting, but it sounded like they had actual
actors and Allison Court
3. E=infinity
Simmons in Resident Evil 6 already had a lot of moronic plot points on him, but the
final battle with him is peak absurdity. After his former associate Carla shoots Simmons up
with an enhanced C-virus, he doesn’t turn into a J’avo, but instead a transforming monster that molds and mutates its flesh into various
forms.
It’s a very neat effect and even a fun battle, but it’s also
really really ridiculous as Simmons defecates all over the square cubed law and
goes from his normal human size to a T-rex monster and back again. He’s
shown assimilating zombies, presumably to increase his potential mass, but even
with those there is no way anything can transform like that! Even if he could, there’s no way it could be
compact enough to go back to human form and if it were justified by swelling or
abnormal stretching of muscles, that would have to mean the giant form is
flimsy, which heavy machine gun fire indicates it is not. Even for
Resident Evil this is beyond bending the rules of basic laws of science. This is just magic!
 |
| What?! |
2. I just wanted Ada
Simmon's stupidity doesn't end there. The catalyst for most of Resident Evil 6’s plot is because
Simmons really liked Ada Wong and he made some other woman into a clone of her. It boggles my mind in so many ways.
First, Ada Leon
Second, he must’ve sunk millions, if not billions, into this
cloning crap. That may be the point, that he’s childish and uses his
power as some faux-Illuminati/the Patriots irresponsibly, but is there really
no one who could’ve put their foot down? It’s not like he was making some
power grab that should’ve have been interrupted. He wasn’t cloning a powerful person as some
sort of perfect disguise (though that could be a pretense). He was just
making a new girlfriend. It's ridiculous.
Making things even dumber is that none of the other characters notice that there are two Adas running around. They never notice she’s changing her clothes instantly in between them spotting her nor question why she would bother even if she could. They are not very observant.
And the number one, stupidest, most mind-bogglingly moronic and humiliating moment in the history of Resident Evil may be one that's unexpected...
1. My glasses! I can’t be seen without my glasses!
I do not understand why more people don’t ridicule this.
They’ll turn the boulder punching into a joke, but not this? This
is the point in Resident Evil’s history where, for the first time, I smacked my
head in disbelief and audibly remarked “what?!” I can take the laws of
science being destroyed! I can take the
bad voice acting! I can take the bad
writing and poorly established characters! But I cannot
fathom the stupidity of this!
But let’s start from the top.
Albert Wesker has always worn sunglasses. From
Resident Evil 0 all the way up to 5, he is never seen without them. Even
in flashbacks and pictures of his time with Umbrella, he has always had his
sunglasses. Whenever they’re knocked off he just puts them back on. It’s his signature. He’s also always worn them in Resident Evil’s
many dark areas with apparently no impairment on his vision. I would
maybe understand if he wore them as a mean to adjust his eyes so he can see
better in the dark when he takes them off, but no. He never takes them off, barring one or two instances when no one (human) was around to see it. He could never present himself without his glasses, even before he got conspicuous red eyes from acquiring his powers.
This comes to a head in Resident Evil 5, where Chris and
Sheva turn off the spotlights around his base in order to blind him as they
fight him. The heroes can see, but not Wesker because he’s still wearing
shades. Blinded, Wesker stands there like an idiot for the heroes to blindside him so he can’t dodge. You read that right. The heroes have
the edge because Wesker will not take his shades off.
Wesker is supposed to be a master manipulator and genius.
He outplayed several people in the series’ history and was one of the
major factors in taking down Umbrella as well as acquired all their data to get his own company. He has all of that to his name and
yet he doesn’t have the common sense to remove an accessory that, for him,
largely only exists for the sake of fashion! Are you kidding me?! Wekser, you are in a fight to the death! Take the damn glasses off!
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| "Spoiler alert: Wesker is not at all a nice man." |
The fight outside of that is pretty great. It utilizes established story and implements the co-op gameplay with a feeling of intensity at a feared adversary that can't be taken down alone, but I will never get over the sunglasses part. I will never forget the image of Wesker standing in place going on a villainous speech while he gets shot up, all because, presumably, he's obsessed with looking cool!
The other moments on this list feel unintentional, like they were the result of misdirection, incompetence or not thinking things through. Did anyone come up with this straight-faced? This reads like a deliberate joke, but it's treated as seriously as any other boss tactic! That is why it is the single stupidest Resident Evil moment I have ever seen! It’s also why I love Resident Evil.
The other moments on this list feel unintentional, like they were the result of misdirection, incompetence or not thinking things through. Did anyone come up with this straight-faced? This reads like a deliberate joke, but it's treated as seriously as any other boss tactic! That is why it is the single stupidest Resident Evil moment I have ever seen! It’s also why I love Resident Evil.
Part of the fun of Resident Evil is that stupidity. As stated before, it wouldn’t be Resident Evil without it.
Like Metal Gear Solid or even the Saw movies, its craziness is part of its charm. As much as they're supposed to be horror games, their more outlandish and awkward aspects add a spice of humor, ironic or not, making the thrilling adventures have an air of innocent fun on top of their intensity. The stories seem to get a reputation for their silliness and unintentional cheesiness than their actual legitimate merits, but ignoring the stupidity may as well be as big a crime as ignoring the rest too.
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