Saturday, May 4, 2013

What You Need to Know About Ralf Jones

What can you say about King of Fighter's regular competitor Ralf "Nuke Fist" Jones?

A lot, but there is a lot of things about the man that are not exactly public knowledge.  I have in this post a few factoids on this western Hercules that very few people know.

Did you know...

United States nuclear weapons are in the shape of Ralf's fist.
There are two sides to a conflict: Ralf's side and the wrong side.
Ralf is the one who composed the theme song for Team America: Wold Police.
Nobody is hospitalized after fighting Ralf.  They go straight to the morgue.  Even if they're still alive, they're already dead.
We were too late...
The Galactica Phantom is named after the time Ralf decimated Galactus with a single punch.  Galactus then decided to attack the Marvel and Capcom worlds because he sure as hell didn't want to fight Ralf again.
Ralf was given guns in Ikari Warriors and Metal Slug because using his bare hands wouldn't be fair.

Theoretically, the clash of Ralf's Galactica Phantom and Captain Falcon's Falcon Punch would bust a hole in the fabric of reality and suck in the entire universe.
Ralf stopped using the back breaker when the chiropractors of the world had too many patients to handle.  Clark is enough now.
When Ralf wins the final round of a fight, it is customary to scream "You got Ralf'd!"
Ralf's victory roar is why Godzilla stays on the other side of the pacific.
Ralf has two speeds: stop and win.
Ralf doesn't truly lose.  He gets bored and lets you win.
When Ralf gets mad, people get dead.
Ralf is the one who trained Chris Redfield after the events of Resident Evil: Revelations.
The bottle Ralf sometimes drinks out of before a match is filled with heavy kerosene.  Beer isn't strong enough.
Ralf's bandana is woven from the hair of his defeated foes.... By taking only one hair from each.
Ralf was originally going to be the star of "Wreck it Ralph", but changed it when the director realized that he would make the movie's run time only 20 minutes.
The reason Ralf never throws the grenades he keeps on his vest in KOF 13 is because they aren't for throwing.  They're for a quick snack.
Ralf sharpens his knife collection by swiping them against his biceps.
Ralf hardened his skull by going to Jurassic Park and headbutting T-Rexes.

If Ralf hits you once, you've lost.
"You fought like a star!  The guy who plays the corpse, that is!"
The King of Fighters 12 "retrospective" (angry rant) is coming soon.

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