Sea of Thieves and the art of Psychological Warfare

As per the title, Sea of Thives is a game of thievery.  It is a game of fighting and stealing.  You make friends and you make enemies.  The players fighting each other is almost secondary a lot of the time, but when conflict arises you must come out on top.  Most players win the traditional way: with cannons, guns and bombs, but an even better, more effective, way of fighting others players is the less-direct art of psychological warfare.
 
In the United Kingdom there was an elite group of psychological experts whose tactics were used to help cats get out of a catatonic state.  This tactic works just as well with humans, but with the opposite effect: send normal-acting people into a state in which they cannot function or are lacking in function.

This tactic can come in several different variations, but before going out to fight, there are some things you must have prepared.

First, you must have a good variety of different costumes, hairstyles, accessories and disguises.  Part of psychological warfare requires the appropriate appearance.  You need the wardrobe and espionage tools of a Disguisey.

Next you must have a playlist.  For some of the tactics you will learn, they are a key component in psychologically damaging the enemy.  The music must shake them to their core.  Some songs to include on your playlist are:

You are a Pirate
Gangnam Style
Whip My Hair
I Know a Song by Seamus Kennedy
The opening to The Nutshack

Naturally, in order to play this music and communicate you need a microphone as well.  Any will do as long as you can be heard.

Finally, it is of great benefit to have a getaway helmsman.  Get someone you can trust to watch the boat and keep it out of danger while you are partaking in the psychological war so that you can continue after you spawn off the boat, which should probably be a sloop.

There are two approaches to psychologically assaulting your opponent: the stealth approach and the forward approach.  If stealth fails, the forward approach can be a fallback plan.

The Stealth Approaches

The goal of this approach is to try and get close to the enemy without them noticing.  A recent update added some new tools to the game to make this easier.  Make sure all your ship’s lights are off.  If you have reached pirate legend status, you can also go get the skull of destiny and light your ship up with its many different color flames.  This will make your ship appear to be a skeleton ship at a distance, which will make most crews promptly ignore you at a glance.

Once you get close enough, try to sneak aboard.  If they’re anchored and exploring the island it’s the perfect opportunity to get on when no one is looking.  Even while sailing, the ever-so-useful grapple gun will let you zip up to a ship’s side and get ahold of the ladder.  From there, wait for the right opportunity to climb up.  You’d be surprised how many crews don’t bother looking down. Once you have successfully infiltrated, it is time to work your magic.

The Hidden Music

Get into a good position and put on a disguise.  If you are on a sloop, the best disguise to use is a treasure chest.  With a ship that small those players know how many barrels there are and chests are so short they may not see you anyway.  If on a galleon you can blend in with the other barrels on the lower deck using a barrel disguise.  Once you have blended in, begin playing music off your playlist into the microphone.

Play the music only for a few seconds at a time (preferably in verses).  Sea of Thieves has spatial sound so you don’t want to give them time to track down where the sound is coming from.  You can change up the songs if you wish, but the important thing is to stay in disguise.  This will trip the crew up and make them think they’re going crazy.  Or just find you and kill you.  One of the two.

The Impersonator

The disguise dart for the blowgun is an incredible invention.  By successfully hitting another target, be they friend, foe or common enemy, you can disguise yourself as them.  Your character will change into them, complete with their name above your head.  It’s tricky to get that shot in while remaining hidden, but wait for the right moment, read the patterns of your target and you will get it.

Once you are in disguise as the other crewmate, use your mug and begin drinking heavily.  When the captain of the crew gives and order, call them a big doody head and to go to hell.  Make sure you do it in the most loopy, nasally voice you can.  Alternatively, warn the crew’s captain that you are from the future and that if they don’t destroy their own ship it will cause a butterfly effect that results in human extinction.  This will lower morale and get the captain angry at the person you’re disguised as, unless they buy the future thing.  They might just find you out and kill you.  Get ready to bail and try again later if that happens.

The Direct Approaches

When it comes to the stealth approaches there’s only so much you can do because part of stealth is keeping quiet and doing nothing, but when you’re upfront there’s a lot more to experiment with.  For these tactics, all you need is to approach the ship and jump on in plain sight when possible

Speaking Trumpet Techniques

The speaking trumpet tool allows you to project your voice over long distances, but functionally it can be used with the same efficiency as a cannon, sonic or otherwise.
 
For a quick and easy kill of the other crewmates, there is one very specific phrase you can tell them over the distance.  You just have to be ready to take a real human life.  The following is that phrase:
 
WARNING!  IF YOU ARE FLUENT IN GERMAN YOU MUST ABSOLUTELY NOT READ THIS PART UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!
 
“Wenn ist das Nunstuck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwald Gersput!”
 
This was a common way to fight Nazis in World War 2, but if no one on the other crew speaks German, then it’s time to switch to Mel Brooks’ Nazi-fighting tactic instead and just start playing the playlist over your trumpet.

The Santa

For this one, make sure you are dressed in a red jacket with a red hat (any red hat will do) and red pants, sporting some black gloves and brown boots, maybe with a nice belt buckle.  Make sure you have a big beard and bone white hair.  Decorate your ship in red, white and green colors.  Maybe add a bit of cool blue for that snowy feel.

Approach other ships and ask them if they’ve been good this year.  If they say they’ve been good, give them a bit of loot from your ship.  If they say they’ve been naughty, or they begin attacking you, tell them that they have been very naughty and that you shall give them a big lump of coal through your cannons.  Annihilate all naughty pirates.

When communicating, be sure to say “ho ho” a lot.  Every 2 to 3 words should be peppered with “ho ho.”  That’s ho ho how you ho ho be Santa ho ho.

The Castaway

Get dressed in as little as possible.  The only thing you might want to wear is pants and only if they’re tattered and crappy.  For hair get a messy haircut and a messy, unkempt beard.

Board another ship coming off of an island or a rowboat.  A docked ship is the perfect opportunity to do this, but you might be able to see what direction a ship is going on the map and strategize around getting on that way.  When you do, tell them a story about how your filthy, stinking crew abandoned you because they called you a psychopath.  Assuming they don’t just kill you, proceed to go on a rant about how much you hate the people that populate the world and do so with a unique cadence of almost sounding like you’re having to cough to belt out some of your words.  Use this as a reference:

The Golem

Follow the same dressing preparations as The Castaway, but instead of the scraggly beard and hair, have no hair anywhere on your body.  Follow the same boarding tactic as well, but instead of telling them about being abandoned, tell them you were looking for your precious that was stolen from you.  Make sure to only communicate in a squelching, gurgly voice and if you ever need to fight, first of all tell them to not hurts Golem and use knives and a spear.  Gunpowder is evil witchcraft.

Assuming they don’t just kill you on the spot, maybe offer the target some raw fish or worms.  Never eat cooked meat.  If you ever see them cooking, call them stupid fat hobbitses.

The Heh Heher

For this one you can wear anything as long as it’s not too formal.  This’ll put your helmsmanship to the test.  Ram the target with your boat head-on.  Once you do, jump aboard with your mug in hand and start walking around their ship while drinking it.  In a somewhat high-pitched and scratchy voice, ask them there the chicks are.  If they attack you, be sure to call them fart knockers and buttmunch.  Similar to the “ho ho hos” of The Santa, use “heh heh” with the same frequency when using this technique.  If you have a crewmate you can enhance this technique by having them periodically say “huh huh” instead.

If they continue being violent with you, fight back with fire bombs and tell them that fire’s cool, emphasizing and repeating the word “fire.”  Fire can solve a lot of life's problems.

The Salesman

Wear something nice and flashy.  A merchant’s emissary uniform will do, but definitely go for the Stan costume if you have it.  You’ll make good use of that sales pitch emote.

Find another crew and give them an offer.  Ask them to slow down so you can talk business.  Tell them you have an offer for them.  Offer them your supplies, fish and other valuables in exchange for some of their loot.  Powder kegs are especially profitable in this regard.

Some customers will run and some will even attack your ship when all your want to do is make for a friendly barter.  When it comes to making a sale it is important that you be as persistent as you can and chase them down to the ends of the earth so that you will make a deal with them come hell or high water.  If they show too much aggression, just gift them a ticket to the ferry of the damned, free of charge.

These have been just a few ways to psychologically damage adversaries.  If you go out there and use what you have learned in this article, you’ll gain notoriety and be well on your way for becoming known as a complete and utter wackjob the most feared and clever pirate in the Sea of Thieves.